What to do if you can’t choose a maid of honour

When choosing a maid of honour, many brides consider the women they are closest to in their life whether that is their sister or best friend. It might not seem like a big deal but asking someone to be your maid of honour is a special type of privilege and involves a lot of trust and responsibility. It's not always easy for a bride to choose a maid of honour though for various different reasons, and if you’re struggling to decide who should have that special position this guide is here to help.

What can go wrong when choosing a maid of honour?

Firstly, you’re not alone, you’d be surprised how many brides are unable to choose a maid of honour, with so many special people in your life how can you pick just one? There can be a sense of obligation to choose family, especially if you have a sister or multiple sisters. However, if you aren’t very close with them and at the same time you have a best friend that feels like family, it’s extremely difficult to narrow it down to just one person, even more so if you’re close with all of them.

If you really can’t decide you shouldn’t try to put pressure on yourself to make a choice, especially if you know whatever you do will result in tension and potentially fallout. It’s enough on your plate to just plan a wedding without having to pick up the pieces of your decision and give an explanation to those you didn’t pick. Also, it isn’t a good idea to let your bridesmaids decide who should be the maid of honour amongst themselves or create competition between them. This will lead to nothing but trouble and ultimately cause more problems than it solves.

Possible solutions if you can’t choose a maid of honour

Choose more than one

Can’t settle on one maid of honour? Ask your sister and your best friend, or if you have a lot of bridesmaids, you could even have three ladies taking on the maid of honour title.

The most important thing is that you make the right decision for you and your wedding day, so if you want multiple bridesmaids don’t let the fear of not being traditional put you off. It could just be the answer you’ve been looking for if you want to avoid possibly hurting someone’s feelings who isn’t chosen.

By not making the choice at all you can keep positive relationships with both women and there is the added benefit that they can split the maid of honour tasks between them, so there isn’t a lot of pressure on one person to organise everything on her own.

If you decide to have two maids of honour and are wondering where to buy maid of honour dresses, don’t worry Maids to Measure have got you covered. We provide a wide range of stunning bridesmaid and maid of honour dresses that are flattering, comfortable, and affordable.

Ask a ‘man of honour’ instead

As wedding ideas and traditions evolve it has become a more popular idea for brides to choose a ‘man of honour’ instead of a maid of honour. This is helpful for brides who don’t have any sisters but might have a brother or another male relative like a cousin or friend that they are close to and want to have by their side.

In any case, it takes away the dilemma of having to choose a maid of honour if you are close with all of them or on the flip side gives you an alternative option if you don’t really have any close female friends or relatives that you feel compelled to ask.

Don’t have one at all

You don’t have any obligation to have a maid of honour, it’s your day and you make the rules. In fact, it is common particularly in more understated and low-key weddings to not have a maid of honour. There’s no need to cause yourself stress if you don’t want to choose between your sister and best friend or don’t want to end up in an argument by promoting one bridesmaid above the rest.

Ask all of them to be bridesmaids and if be clear that you can’t possibly choose between the girls you love if they want to know who the maid of honour is. All you need to do then is divide up the maid of honour jobs between them or give them to a completely separate person outside of the bridesmaid group like your mum or another relative.

Use different titles

Having multiple maids of honour isn’t the best choice for every bride, but if you still want to appreciate your bridesmaids and make them feel included and special, you could assign them with their own titles and roles. That way each one could take on a traditional maid of honour task but have their own title whether that is best woman or chief bridesmaid etc, without there being any feelings of competitiveness to be the one and only maid of honour.


If you can’t choose between the special ladies in your life to be your maid of honour, don’t panic! As we have seen there are a number of other options that might work better for you and your wedding than putting pressure on yourself to decide. And when you’re ready to shop for your bridesmaid and maid of honour dresses, we’re here to help you find the perfect dresses for your wedding day, no matter how specific your requirements are.